Not being emo, but I really had enough.

I can't put myself to sleep before 12am once again... Perhaps all these recent outcomes had really been trying to demoralising me. One by one, one by one, one by one...

Those who I used to have those affections on, those who had hurt me soo much after such one-sided relationships turned sour...... had gone attached one by one, at the very same period of time. Well, I should be happy for them, while my confidence in pursuing of love had looked lost.

Dear friends, I am not trying to be emo. I am not being desperate. But how does it feel if you are single all along, not having a serious relationship soo far in your lifetime yet getting hurt soo much in all those several one-sided relationships, and then see some of them you used to have affections for getting attached, one by one in the same period of time? I simply had enough of all these vicious (one-sided) relationships cycles happening in my life for all these years. Just when these ex-crushes found their right ones, I am here, still single without an actual relationship at 24, still underachieving, still here, typing all these fucking same old frustrations again.

I am not being desperate, and I should not be angered or frustrated when they did not even give me a chance to progress even in friendships in the past. But think about it... All these hurtful experiences had me losing in my confidence... Confidence in terms of pursuing of love.

I wish I could swap all these hurtful one-sided experiences for better results in my studies, a place in NUS/NTU perhaps. I really wished I could have divert more attentions in my studies rather than those (early) one-sided relationships... Perhaps I wont feel soo much level of hurt, I wont lose soo much self-confidence, and I could have met better people in a school life that I really desired right now.

All the recent outcomes (Good news, new found happiness for them perhaps) seem like devilish functions that are trying to hinder me from progressing forward, stopping me from doing things that I really need to do. But I don't wish to be defeated once again. I am really sick of it. I really need to do my human revolution to really press on. There's many other things that I can look forward to, to strive on besides love.

Meanwhile, I really dont wanna see myself in the sufferings of one-sided relationships again and again.

"我在等一个人, 在等我的永恒, 告诉我爱不单行别害怕..."