三月

我有准准一个月的时间没有写部落格了。这个月来，我为SYM的演出而忙碌，但这些辛苦是特别值得的。

回想起当初去SYC参加音乐剧的试镜，那时是大概7月到8月之间。当时的我，经历一段人生的低潮期。我不想多说当时所发生的一切，我想我已经在这部落格上分享过。当时的我，处在人生的地狱界，沉溺在痛苦之中。然而，这一切都在这段数个月的排练期间渐渐地转变。

这数个月以来，面对的挑战与难关可不少，面对的失落也不少，但比起当初的我，我的生命境涯在这段期间渐渐地提高起来。我想，我更有决心，勇气以及较客观的态度去面对这些问题，更有决意去改变我的生命，去追逐我的理想。

这数个月以来，面对不如意的事不少，但经过愉快的事也挺多。这些在SYM排练的期间的最辛福的事，我将永远记得。

如今，面对生活的挑战与难题都还在，但我真的决意要在剩余的2010年取得人生一次又一次的突破，一次又一次的胜利。

特别感谢观看我演出的朋友，谢谢你们抽空老远来淡滨尼看这场音乐剧。我也很有福运的认识这群与我一起奋战演出的会友，希望这些友谊能继续维持下去。

这场音乐剧，是我参加SSA创价学会的活动以来毕生最难忘的。这场音乐剧不是个结束，而是个我人生新的一页的开始。大家一起加油吧！一起取得一次又一次的胜利！

End of black (Fe)berry

It could have been a joyous and festive month for some obvious reasons. Afterall, it was the month when I was another year older and a month of catching up with many distant relatives and collecting additional income in red packets and social gambling. Yet, some negative surprises just simply evolve out and trying to stop me not just from being in a positive mood; But rather, trying to demoralize me from striving for the future and progressing forward.

I don't wish to elaborate soo much. I guess I have said too much. I just wanna throw away all these thoughts of disappointments and staying more focus to progress forward.

I finally kicked a ball yesterday. It's been almost a year since I played football. Well, I finally saw few of these Secondary School friends since last December. We did not talk much though. Overall, I had quite a fine game. I just hope to play more football this year, even if I may not play a game for the upcoming March, since I will be burning my weekends for Soka Youth Musical.

Speaking of SYM, it's been a good past few months going for trainings and practising my role in the musical, even if it is just a simple role as a Sedan chair carrier for Toda Sensei. At the beginning, I thought I was just there to carry the sedan chair and that's all. In the end, I did more than just that. I will be part of the singing crew in the scene of Toda's passing as well as performing fan dance in the final scenes of the musical. It's been quite a good fortune getting these opportunities to perform in the musical. Meanwhile, I get to know more people through this musical and I will really like to work together well with them to give the best out of every chinese version of the musical.

Afterall, my weekends for the entire March will be burned for a much greater cause and a greater value.

This March must record my first breakthroughs and victories for this year.

祝福

For all these unnamed people as mentioned previously in this blog:

2007/08:
http://i-kieran-yiheng.blogspot.com/2008/01/how-are-you-now.html

2009:
http://i-kieran-yiheng.blogspot.com/2009/12/review-2009-part-i.html


















































































































































































































I wish them absolute happiness.

Not being emo, but I really had enough.

I can't put myself to sleep before 12am once again... Perhaps all these recent outcomes had really been trying to demoralising me. One by one, one by one, one by one...

Those who I used to have those affections on, those who had hurt me soo much after such one-sided relationships turned sour...... had gone attached one by one, at the very same period of time. Well, I should be happy for them, while my confidence in pursuing of love had looked lost.

Dear friends, I am not trying to be emo. I am not being desperate. But how does it feel if you are single all along, not having a serious relationship soo far in your lifetime yet getting hurt soo much in all those several one-sided relationships, and then see some of them you used to have affections for getting attached, one by one in the same period of time? I simply had enough of all these vicious (one-sided) relationships cycles happening in my life for all these years. Just when these ex-crushes found their right ones, I am here, still single without an actual relationship at 24, still underachieving, still here, typing all these fucking same old frustrations again.

I am not being desperate, and I should not be angered or frustrated when they did not even give me a chance to progress even in friendships in the past. But think about it... All these hurtful experiences had me losing in my confidence... Confidence in terms of pursuing of love.

I wish I could swap all these hurtful one-sided experiences for better results in my studies, a place in NUS/NTU perhaps. I really wished I could have divert more attentions in my studies rather than those (early) one-sided relationships... Perhaps I wont feel soo much level of hurt, I wont lose soo much self-confidence, and I could have met better people in a school life that I really desired right now.

All the recent outcomes (Good news, new found happiness for them perhaps) seem like devilish functions that are trying to hinder me from progressing forward, stopping me from doing things that I really need to do. But I don't wish to be defeated once again. I am really sick of it. I really need to do my human revolution to really press on. There's many other things that I can look forward to, to strive on besides love.

Meanwhile, I really dont wanna see myself in the sufferings of one-sided relationships again and again.

"我在等一个人, 在等我的永恒, 告诉我爱不单行别害怕..."

A Special Million Thanks to......

Calvin, Miss Chua, Raymond aka my football kaki in Woodlands, Yao Min, Raymond aka my pri sch and NSPD mate, Aidan, Joshua, Jinwen, Candice, Kerwin, Janice, Jack, Joon Kiat, Queenie, Kah How, Meiying, Peijie, Victor, Sylvester, Zhenghsin, Qiaolin, Jocelyn, Sodohoya, Yvonne, Carista, Shi Ying, Gary, Mei Kuen, Alan, Hock Seng, Jiyang, Joan, Edlyn, Shiya, Jaymie, Stella, Miss Pei, Evangeline, Yeevoon, Dejun, Weiming, Wei Yong, Benjamin, Qijie, Eng Peng, Francis, Uncle, Beron, Winnie, Aaron, Charles, Michell, Yiting, Vijay, Yixiong, Sharon, Darrell, Sikang, Emmanuel, Samantha, Gabriel, Angela, Perry, Jiazhao, Catherine, Mei Wan, Kai Yang, Kevin, Elleen, Kai Jie, Phyuthinn, Darran, Shawn and Zhi Jie.

Thanks for all your birthday wishes......

Plus a new friend by the name of Optimus Prime...

I definitely wanna further polish up myself and do my human revolution, and to create breakthroughs of victories at a soon-to-be-mid-20s-age of 24, especially in my studies in the later half of the year.

There's many other things that are also needed to make them RIGHT though.

Yet another full year of my life is about to pass...

Today is my last day as a 23 year old. I am about to be in mid-twenties real real soon...

But well, after such a eventful and self-realising age of 23, there are lots of things to have them done, and there are lots of things to make them RIGHT. Afterall, I felt I had somehow wasted my early youth away, most notably in my studies, and of course, many other stuffs.

At the age of 24 and in the year 2010, I really wanna change all these things around and create a real revolution in my life this time round.

The journey back home

It's been donkey months since I last took a bus ride of service 151 from the Hougang Central direction back home to Toa Payoh. At last, I managed to take this ride after attending a district planning meeting at Lawrence's house tonight. Well for your information, I had always been a commuter of this particular bus service from my poly days, via NS, even until now since I started my work at NUS Prince George's Park. Perhaps, I might continue to take the very same ride home if I eventually go to SIM to pursue my degree in the very very near future.

Through this particular journey back home, those recent years memories just came to my mind. As the bus drove past SCDF HQ, I remembered those scenes of my NS days. Those days as doing overnight duty as ADO, those memorable rides of taking 151 with fellow NSPD mates, those lunch napping sessions in the Microfilm room and those la-kopi sessions at teabreaks.

The surroundings around the HQ had somehow changed a little. The other fact was, there were many changes in my life too since ORD.

Change in terms of my daily routine...
Change in terms of my direction...
Change in terms of my future plans...
Change in terms of my self-realisation...
Change in terms of my circle of friends... New friends might have have entered my life after NS, yet some friends have somehow disappeared from my life in the meantime.

I should have made my future plans well during NS. I failed to do soo. I could have made my self-realisation earlier rather than slightly later.

But I hope it's not too late now though.