You'll Never Walk Alone.

Put my current crisis aside...

Last Sunday was the very first time that I was able to catch a glimpse of the Reds. It was the first time in 8 years that Liverpool visited the Lion City. (Unfortunately, I did not attend the match 8 years ago due to my then-financial-difficulty as a Sec 3 student, while the Reds back then triumphed the then-weaker-and-fewer-foreign-talent Singapore team 2-0, including a goal from now-a-MAN-U-player Michael Owen)

On this day, the wanna-to-be-demolished-and-yet-the-official-last-match-was-2-years-ago Kallang National Stadium was declared as the Kop. It was a day where everyone dressed in Red, with Carlsberg on their shirt(With few have Candy/Crown Paints on their shirts instead), and Adidas/Reebok as the brand. Though everyone was in Red, we were rooting for the away team instead and thus our patriotism for our own country was questioned.

At the end of the 90 minutes, Liverpool trounced the Lions by 5 goals, with a brace from their youngster Kristian Nemeth, as well as their first teamers like Albert Riera, Fernando Torres and came-back-from-loan-and-willing-to-fight-for-a-first-team-place Andriy Voronin. This time, the Reds played more seriously compared to 8 years ago, while I never expect the Lions to lose such a humiliating scoreline, given that Liverpool had played our dear ASEAN rivals, Thailand, to a 1-1 draw in their first match of the tour, while our neighbouring Malaysia lost Man U by respectable scorelines in 2 matches.

While Liverpool showed us that they can be a championship material and challenges Manchester United to the very end, it's just disappointing to see Singapore, packed with quite a number of foreign talents and capturing two consecutive Southeast-Asian titles after the match 8 years ago, gave such a poor display in the second half.

Show us that you all can play football and make these fans like us who love our beloved English clubs more support you too.

TDYWA7th : Everyone deserves a second chance.

Breakdown

I have always never learn.

I have always been a bad chess player, always making the wrong move, too many wrong moves soo much soo that I can't find myself to bounce back.

And just when I thought I can move on and let time heals, some bit*h just added some salts into the wounds...

I have already enough of soo much unhappiness for the past 2 months or soo... from my studies to my relationships with friends...

And now I don't know how am I going to say sorry to her... sincerely. The nail had finally pinned on the coffin...once again.

And I don't know how's the future should go... I just hate to see my life being in a running track, with vicious karmas running round and round again.

这次，全世界是真的...停了电。

Ice Cream

You talk to me
You speak with me
Don't sink before you rise baby
Don't fade away

You hesitate
You seem to wait
For all the time we had
Feels like a world away

Who's to say, we'll be ok
We will make it through the night
Don't wanna wake up in this state
I just want us both to smile

Cause we're the same
And i know that we'll never change
Look i bought your favourite ice cream
I dont wanna see it melt away

If you walk out now
I don't know if we're gonna be the same
Baby just talk with me
Cause i want you to stay here with me

The memories
The things we did
I locked inside my heart
Where i know i won't forget

And now, whos to say, well be ok
We will make it through the night
Dont wanna wake up in this state
I just want us both to smile

Cause were the same
And I know that we'll never change
look I bought your favorite ice reamI
dont want to see it melts away

If you walk out now
I dont know if we could be the same
Baby just talk with me
Cause I want you to stay here with me

I want you to stay here with me

Burning Daimoku

I never felt chanting such burning prayers of daimoku for such a long time. Perhaps, this is the desperate daimoku I really need... to lift myself up and change things for the better.

I try to keep myself busy besides work. Well, I have been assigned to work alongside Minling and the new IICs, John and May Ann, for the upcoming institution meeting in September. It's gonna be like an orientation though for the new SD members who will start their new semesters in August/September. It's gonna be a big production like what John said as the meeting will involve both indoors and outdoors and it's full of fun activities. I hope I can really do my best for this as well as the near-coming YMD/MD Formation Day.

While, I will put my life... in chanting my absolute prayers for her happiness, and well, everyone's happiness.

I shall chant all these burning daimoku as if there's my last moments.

Sorry.

I don't deserve to say that to someone, and I can't forgive myself.

And now...I am facing yet uncertainty of friendships...Even if things are mended slowly, things may not be the same again. Whether this friendship will be closer than before, or more distant than before, I don't know...Though deep inside I hope for the best to come, and I always do.

I wish I will never think soo much...never.

反话

问我多年前 失的门匙 避免说出牵挂
路过她门前 被谁碰见 手执一扎花
问我可记得动心过伤心过 再没半点牵挂
若说起某些合照 想说没有 声音已哑

*如从未遇上她 我记不起曾热恋她
别了她 也懒得说别话
和她 无淩晨无童话
没伸手拥抱 从未忆起她
如从未遇上她 要我将这句重复吗
就算假 谁来问我只好欺诈
营造骗人反话 去抵销我念挂(从来没有她)

没法子回头 讲起从前 就笑说不牵挂
路过她门前 被谁碰见 讲不出笑话
问我可记得动心过伤心过 有没有都潇洒
若说起某些合照 想说没有 声音已哑

CHORUS*

埋藏著当天心痛 情绪一早真空
能忘掉结局也相同 每日淡忘她

没记忆送过多少蔷薇给她
没见识错觉她漂亮吧
从今 无零晨无童话 亦不懂拥抱无力再招架
从来未遇过她 要我将这句重复吗
就算假 谁来问我只好欺诈
无奈骗人反话 却骗不过念挂

Some words to say...

Things have not been looking bright for me these days, as shown in my previous posts. Mid-year crisis perhaps? When one devilish function comes and attacks you, the others follow suit. These days, my emotions had taken control totally on me, there were times I am able to smile, able to say some lame jokes, but deep inside unhappiness has been occupying my heart, my life-force has not been great... perhaps I have been thinking too much...really regretting too much.

Well, all these personal struggles I guess I don't wish to bury them in my heart... guess through blogging I really wanna pour them out...

Studies

After all these while of regrets and frustrations for not making the right decisions in studies, for not putting the primary focus on my education...etc, I have decided to move on and giving myself options in how my education path should go.

Going SIM next year ? Very likely... and it's most probably to be RMIT. Well, I am considering Business Management though. Full-Time OR Part-Time? Depends on how's my financial stability...but I wish I can take Full-Time.

While my application to NIE fell through, there's no harm giving another try again before I made my final decision in my studies in August.

Family

My mum's in hospital again for a small head operation. While the operation was a success, she's not been mentally conscious, her mental health's just seemed to be deteriorating. Guess I really need more patience and understanding in the future. There are times that I really have enough for her illnesses for the past 18 years or so, she's been suffering alot while the family's been suffering alot. But this is a family karma that for me to overcome bravely.

Friends

Do friends really come and go ? I don't know. Sometimes it's a little disappointed to see some friends who seem to be more closer to you than before, back to the same level of friendships again. And just when you thought you's been getting to know them better through gatherings and online conversations, the level of understandings and friendships are actually being stagnant. This is how I feel these past weeks or soo concerning this one particular clique of friends.

Meanwhile... such gatherings and online conversations have been getting lesser than before...

While all along even from last year, I have started to develop feelings for one of them from this particular clique...it's time to admit that I like her. But the distance of friendship just seems to drift apart once I started to develop feelings for her... Perhaps I been thinking too much. Why am I feeling THAT way again ??? Once again, it seems she's just yet another person whom I should not develop feelings for... I wish I had never fall for her at the first place, and all this while I have shown my weaknesses of emotions to her. It just sounds like those same old story of mine...

I don't know she will ever read all this here or not...But nevertheless, I think it's best for me to move on and stop putting too much thoughts on her... no matter whether this friendship will progress like before OR drifting apart as it seems now.

Perhaps through focusing for more other serious challenges ahead and continuing to polishing my life, the good fortune for the right time, right person may come...

Career

After working 3 months at NUS, there are high chances that I am going to convert to a permanent staff, while I am trying to build a closer bond and forging strong friendships with my colleagues. Meanwhile, I am striving to cope well and control my emotions during my work during these challenging times of mine. The temp staffs had left their jobs to prepare for their university lives, quite alot of fond memories spent with them and it's a little 舍不得 to bid farewell to them, but I hope these newly made friendships made in my job can continue to keep in touch.

These are all my personal updates of mine. I just really need to be optimistic, and bring back the strong life force which I used to have last year...

Another Test of time...Another Test of faith...Another Test of human revolution... There's many other things to decide whether is a "year of youth and victory" OR a "year of youth and defeat" in the 2nd half of the year to come...