爱你却从不讲 幸福的致命伤
从此我只能够在部落格上
路过你快乐悲伤
你说你想飞翔 所以我不阻挡
希望你能够在他的肩膀上
找到那爱的信仰
我承认有些话当时没老实讲
那么坏人就让我来当
我了解有些话现在没老实讲
明天我将失去了胆量
当你成为别人的新娘
我承认有些话当时若老实讲
现在就不会两败俱伤
其实爱你的心早已濒临疯狂
连我自己也无法抵抗
再也还原不了的时光
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Dear mum
Dear mum,
It's been more than a hundred days since you left the world.
Sometimes I feel like looking at your portrait at home and telling you all the shits that happened since you're gone. Perhaps, I should have shared with you all the shits that happened in my life throughout these years when you were around, even if you were disabled physically and perhaps somehow mentally.
Within that first 100 days since you were gone, I wanted to make a brilliant start in my life. I would like to achieve actual proofs in my studies, I would like to breakthrough in my relationship life. There were the things that you wanted to see in your pasttime but failed to see when you were around. In the end, it's doesn't even matter. No matter how much effort I tried, how much prayers I put in, they still can't find a way in my life.
Today is Valentine's Day. Once again, I had to stare blank and feeling disheartened on this day.
Two months ago, fate brings this person closer to my life, only to see her getting attached with someone she knew better at the end of the day. I should be happy for her. That's a thing a man should do.
But I have to question myself.
Why do I always have to be at the wrong end of a relationship ?
I am in mid-20s yet I am still stuck in this vicious relationship cycle.
Mum,
Seriously, I had enough of all this. I took faith for close to 7 years but what did I get in the end ?
Minor actual proofs but consistent failures to breakthrough in the major ones ?
I am really tired.
Tomorrow will be a day that I must really move on. But who can guarantee right now that I will not have to face all these shits anymore ?
It's been more than a hundred days since you left the world.
Sometimes I feel like looking at your portrait at home and telling you all the shits that happened since you're gone. Perhaps, I should have shared with you all the shits that happened in my life throughout these years when you were around, even if you were disabled physically and perhaps somehow mentally.
Within that first 100 days since you were gone, I wanted to make a brilliant start in my life. I would like to achieve actual proofs in my studies, I would like to breakthrough in my relationship life. There were the things that you wanted to see in your pasttime but failed to see when you were around. In the end, it's doesn't even matter. No matter how much effort I tried, how much prayers I put in, they still can't find a way in my life.
Today is Valentine's Day. Once again, I had to stare blank and feeling disheartened on this day.
Two months ago, fate brings this person closer to my life, only to see her getting attached with someone she knew better at the end of the day. I should be happy for her. That's a thing a man should do.
But I have to question myself.
Why do I always have to be at the wrong end of a relationship ?
I am in mid-20s yet I am still stuck in this vicious relationship cycle.
Mum,
Seriously, I had enough of all this. I took faith for close to 7 years but what did I get in the end ?
Minor actual proofs but consistent failures to breakthrough in the major ones ?
I am really tired.
Tomorrow will be a day that I must really move on. But who can guarantee right now that I will not have to face all these shits anymore ?
Thursday, February 10, 2011
At the end of the day...
She never left any wishes.
Though, I am really appreciated and grateful for each and every friend, be it those old friends or new friends who are made in school, for their simple, yet sincere and warm birthday messages.
Perhaps I should not expect so much... Afterall, a man should not expect even the simplest return from someone whom he always kept in his mind.
Fate determines who enters into our lives. The heart determines who stays.
Though, I am really appreciated and grateful for each and every friend, be it those old friends or new friends who are made in school, for their simple, yet sincere and warm birthday messages.
Perhaps I should not expect so much... Afterall, a man should not expect even the simplest return from someone whom he always kept in his mind.
Fate determines who enters into our lives. The heart determines who stays.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
It's another year living.
Coincidentally, it's the 7th day of the Lunar New Year. The day where people's doing the traditional "Lo Hei" and it's traditionally the day where everyone celebrates each birthday.
A few friends said that it's "double joy" for me to have my birthday falling on this day. However, this year, I had to welcome another year older with a much more bittersweet feelings after all the same old vicious cycles that had happened not too long ago. There are present times that I thought what can have been, what will have been if she's around and plays a major part in my life. But then right now, all these are mere thoughts that will never be happen. Like what I mentioned earlier, she had the rights to choose and choices are deserved to be respected. That's a fact that I need to accept.
Perhaps, I have to accept the fact that I have such a vicious relationship karma. The faith that had to be screwed deeply by the act of hard fate.
Exactly 5 days later will be another day that I need to dealt with.
24, the year of Tiger or 2010 was a year that deserved to forget after it seemed so promising yet failed to deliver once more. A year that I had seem a loss of a loved one and all these numerous major disappointing setbacks that overwrote the joy and happiness and smaller achievements that occured...
Reaching the mid 20s and now birthday wishes have to be so straight forward after all these consistent failures not just in relationships, but also aspects like studies and personal growth. It seems that time has always been unforgiving and I can only make sure (once more) that resolutions must be fulfilled to erase all these disappointments of the past.
A million thanks to each and everyone who remembers me, via all forms of social communication networks. Birthday wishes are there to be appreciated and I am grateful.
A few friends said that it's "double joy" for me to have my birthday falling on this day. However, this year, I had to welcome another year older with a much more bittersweet feelings after all the same old vicious cycles that had happened not too long ago. There are present times that I thought what can have been, what will have been if she's around and plays a major part in my life. But then right now, all these are mere thoughts that will never be happen. Like what I mentioned earlier, she had the rights to choose and choices are deserved to be respected. That's a fact that I need to accept.
Perhaps, I have to accept the fact that I have such a vicious relationship karma. The faith that had to be screwed deeply by the act of hard fate.
Exactly 5 days later will be another day that I need to dealt with.
24, the year of Tiger or 2010 was a year that deserved to forget after it seemed so promising yet failed to deliver once more. A year that I had seem a loss of a loved one and all these numerous major disappointing setbacks that overwrote the joy and happiness and smaller achievements that occured...
Reaching the mid 20s and now birthday wishes have to be so straight forward after all these consistent failures not just in relationships, but also aspects like studies and personal growth. It seems that time has always been unforgiving and I can only make sure (once more) that resolutions must be fulfilled to erase all these disappointments of the past.
A million thanks to each and everyone who remembers me, via all forms of social communication networks. Birthday wishes are there to be appreciated and I am grateful.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Chinese New Year
It's 2nd day of the Chinese New Year and once again, the maternal side of my family tree had the annual CNY gathering today.
However, for the first time, the gathering was without my mum and my grandaunt. They were no longer around. Despite all these, it's best to keep these family ties and bonds going. I really enjoy getting in touch with these maternal relatives and updating with each other. Somehow, they are really amazing people. I guess there's a lot more I can learn and emulate from them. I had a good catch-ups with Yansen. As cousins for exactly close to 25 years, I guess we should meet up and hang out more often.
I wish someone is there with me to see all these amazing uncles, aunts, cousins, nephew and nieces of mine.
It could have been...
However, for the first time, the gathering was without my mum and my grandaunt. They were no longer around. Despite all these, it's best to keep these family ties and bonds going. I really enjoy getting in touch with these maternal relatives and updating with each other. Somehow, they are really amazing people. I guess there's a lot more I can learn and emulate from them. I had a good catch-ups with Yansen. As cousins for exactly close to 25 years, I guess we should meet up and hang out more often.
I wish someone is there with me to see all these amazing uncles, aunts, cousins, nephew and nieces of mine.
It could have been...
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