Some words to say...

Things have not been looking bright for me these days, as shown in my previous posts. Mid-year crisis perhaps? When one devilish function comes and attacks you, the others follow suit. These days, my emotions had taken control totally on me, there were times I am able to smile, able to say some lame jokes, but deep inside unhappiness has been occupying my heart, my life-force has not been great... perhaps I have been thinking too much...really regretting too much.

Well, all these personal struggles I guess I don't wish to bury them in my heart... guess through blogging I really wanna pour them out...

Studies

After all these while of regrets and frustrations for not making the right decisions in studies, for not putting the primary focus on my education...etc, I have decided to move on and giving myself options in how my education path should go.

Going SIM next year ? Very likely... and it's most probably to be RMIT. Well, I am considering Business Management though. Full-Time OR Part-Time? Depends on how's my financial stability...but I wish I can take Full-Time.

While my application to NIE fell through, there's no harm giving another try again before I made my final decision in my studies in August.

Family

My mum's in hospital again for a small head operation. While the operation was a success, she's not been mentally conscious, her mental health's just seemed to be deteriorating. Guess I really need more patience and understanding in the future. There are times that I really have enough for her illnesses for the past 18 years or so, she's been suffering alot while the family's been suffering alot. But this is a family karma that for me to overcome bravely.

Friends

Do friends really come and go ? I don't know. Sometimes it's a little disappointed to see some friends who seem to be more closer to you than before, back to the same level of friendships again. And just when you thought you's been getting to know them better through gatherings and online conversations, the level of understandings and friendships are actually being stagnant. This is how I feel these past weeks or soo concerning this one particular clique of friends.

Meanwhile... such gatherings and online conversations have been getting lesser than before...

While all along even from last year, I have started to develop feelings for one of them from this particular clique...it's time to admit that I like her. But the distance of friendship just seems to drift apart once I started to develop feelings for her... Perhaps I been thinking too much. Why am I feeling THAT way again ??? Once again, it seems she's just yet another person whom I should not develop feelings for... I wish I had never fall for her at the first place, and all this while I have shown my weaknesses of emotions to her. It just sounds like those same old story of mine...

I don't know she will ever read all this here or not...But nevertheless, I think it's best for me to move on and stop putting too much thoughts on her... no matter whether this friendship will progress like before OR drifting apart as it seems now.

Perhaps through focusing for more other serious challenges ahead and continuing to polishing my life, the good fortune for the right time, right person may come...

Career

After working 3 months at NUS, there are high chances that I am going to convert to a permanent staff, while I am trying to build a closer bond and forging strong friendships with my colleagues. Meanwhile, I am striving to cope well and control my emotions during my work during these challenging times of mine. The temp staffs had left their jobs to prepare for their university lives, quite alot of fond memories spent with them and it's a little 舍不得 to bid farewell to them, but I hope these newly made friendships made in my job can continue to keep in touch.

These are all my personal updates of mine. I just really need to be optimistic, and bring back the strong life force which I used to have last year...

Another Test of time...Another Test of faith...Another Test of human revolution... There's many other things to decide whether is a "year of youth and victory" OR a "year of youth and defeat" in the 2nd half of the year to come...