Dear mum,
It's been more than a hundred days since you left the world.
Sometimes I feel like looking at your portrait at home and telling you all the shits that happened since you're gone. Perhaps, I should have shared with you all the shits that happened in my life throughout these years when you were around, even if you were disabled physically and perhaps somehow mentally.
Within that first 100 days since you were gone, I wanted to make a brilliant start in my life. I would like to achieve actual proofs in my studies, I would like to breakthrough in my relationship life. There were the things that you wanted to see in your pasttime but failed to see when you were around. In the end, it's doesn't even matter. No matter how much effort I tried, how much prayers I put in, they still can't find a way in my life.
Today is Valentine's Day. Once again, I had to stare blank and feeling disheartened on this day.
Two months ago, fate brings this person closer to my life, only to see her getting attached with someone she knew better at the end of the day. I should be happy for her. That's a thing a man should do.
But I have to question myself.
Why do I always have to be at the wrong end of a relationship ?
I am in mid-20s yet I am still stuck in this vicious relationship cycle.
Mum,
Seriously, I had enough of all this. I took faith for close to 7 years but what did I get in the end ?
Minor actual proofs but consistent failures to breakthrough in the major ones ?
I am really tired.
Tomorrow will be a day that I must really move on. But who can guarantee right now that I will not have to face all these shits anymore ?
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
My Resolutions, My Dreams, My Life, My Story.
About Me
- Chia Yiheng, Kieran
- Born. 9 Feb 1986. Loves football, loves singing, and writing on this page.
2 comments:
probably im the last person who have the right to comment anything. and probably you wont give a damn to my comment. but wadever it is, here it goes, i hope you will take your time to read this... (:
feeling tired? and thinking giving up is the best solution?
then pls think of why you start in the very first place? if you were to give up now, it's at good as you have not began at all.
let me quote Ikeda Sensei's words:
"while in your teens, your scope of experience is still limited. you may not yet have found the area in which your talents are best expressed. even if you have, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that nothing could be more desirable than romantic love. but there is more to life. the point is not to be in and hurry. in fact, not being in and relationship can be beneficial. it allows you time to study and to participate in extracurricular activities, which help you build a foundation for a strong self. being alone is not something to be afraid of, because when the time is right you will find the right someone to love. you are young. what's important now is to work hard at developing yourself into a truly wonderful human being. you have a precious mission - something important to contribute to the betterment of others - that only you can fulfil. suffering people around the world are waiting for your brave endeavors. to neglect your special mission and seek only personal pleasure are signs of selfishness. it is impossible for an egotistic, self-centered individual to truly love another person."
i still rmb there's one leader who said that we should not be the little frog in the well, there're so many people out there who are suffering more than us. we are so fortunate that we are practising Nichiren Buddhism now, this life and not next life. hence since we have benefited so much from this Buddhism, we should do more to contribute back to the society as well as Soka Gakkai. i agree with Sensei that there is more to life, it's not just romantic love. and im sure someday we can all find our rightful another half when the time is right. just like you're waiting for someone now, i believe there's someone out there who is waiting for someone like you to enter her life. (:
let's work and strive hard together now. like all the leaders will say: "there're no prayers left unanswered!"
shall end off this comment with my all time fav quote by Sensei ;) ~ "Life passes by in an instant, which is why it is so important for us to keep striving and challenging ourselves." that is why we should always have the seeking spirit to learn new things so in the future we can all contribute back to the society and do more for kosen-rufu.
JIAYOU!!! ^^
Hi kie :) I started off by saying "gohonzon, I wish to truelly realize what is preventing me from enjoying and forming solid intimate relationship -FOR KOSEN RUFU" and now 2 days after that strong wish things are moving to better direction :) whenever I wish something I add 'for kosen rufu' in the end. If I have doubts on kosen rufu I simply say 'I wish to realize kosen rufu' I find chanting this way helpful ;) start by "gohonzon I wish to realize how to pray " or "gohonzon - this is the girl I really like- visualize her and say I wish for my bad karma - even my fundamental darkneSs that is preventing me from forming a relationship with her for kosen rufu to be turned into medicine for kosen rufu"
Remember I am a bodhisattva. And so are u :) u have a mission here. Chant to realise what it is and get motivation back in your life kie!!
Post a Comment